Motivational: We're All Doing The Best We Can

By Mike Robbins
motivational keynote speaker, coach and author

I've recently been challenged by a few situations and relationships that have triggered an intense critical response. I'm sometimes amazed and embarrassed by how critical I can be.

As I've been noticing this, working through it and looking for alternative ways to respond, I'm reminded of something I heard a number of years ago: "It's important to remember that people are always doing the best they can, including you."

I sometimes forget this, that we're all doing the best we can given whatever tools and resources we have and the circumstances and situations we're experiencing... when I do, it usually calms me down and creates a sense of empathy and compassion for the people I'm dealing with and for myself.



When we take a step back and remember that people aren't "out to get us", we can save ourselves from unnecessary overreactions and stress. And when we're able to have this same awareness and compassion in how we relate to ourselves, we can dramatically alter our lives and relationships in a positive way.

1) Give people the benefit of the doubt
Most of the time, people have good intentions. Many of us, myself included, have been trained to be cautious and suspicious of others, even seeing this as an important and effective skill in life and business. However the more often we give people the benefit of the doubt, the more often they will prove us right and the less often we will waste our precious time and energy on being cynical, suspicious and judgmental.

2) Don't take things personally
The truth is that most people are focused on themselves much more than on us. Too often in life we take things personally that have nothing to do with us. This doesn't mean we let people walk all over us or treat us in disrespectful or hurtful ways. When we stop taking things so personally, we liberate ourselves from needless worry, defensiveness and conflict.

3) Look for the good
As Werner Erhard said, "In every human being there is both garbage and gold, it's up to us to choose what we pay attention to." Looking for the good in others is one of the best ways to find things to be grateful for and we remember that not everything is about us all the time.

4) Seek first to understand
Often when we're frustrated, annoyed or in a conflict with other people, one of the best things we can do is to shift our attention from trying to get them to understand us. This can be difficult but being understanding and even empathetic of another person and their perspective or feelings doesn't mean being in agreement with them, it simply allows us to get into their world and see where they're coming from -- which is essential to letting go of judgment.

5) Be gentle with others and yourself
When we're gentle, we're compassionate, kind and loving. We may not like, agree with or totally understand what someone has done (or why), but we can be gentle in how we approach it, talk about it and engage with them. Being gentle isn't about condoning or appeasing anyone.

Everyone around us is doing the best they can, given the resources they have. When we remember this and come from a truly compassionate perspective, we're able to tap into a deeper level of peace, appreciation and fulfillment.

As the Dalai Lama so brilliantly says, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

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