http://www.todayonline.com/Singapore/EDC120609-0000038/Mum-and-Dad-want-to-know-best
"I'm very passionate about it because I can see the difference in the way I'm bringing up my younger son. Both my kids are also closer to me now," said the 45-year-old administrative officer.
She is among a growing number of parents so zealous about taking their skills to the next level that they seek coaching on how to raise their kids.
Parenting talks and workshops on dealing with teenage-hood and cyber-wellness, among other topics, have mushroomed in recent years, counsellors and experts say. Statistics from the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) also point to the growing popularity of parent-education programmes and school-held bonding activities, such as cooking lessons.
Such keen interest in hands-on parenting has manifested in a recent torrent of letters to TODAY from readers with strong views on, for instance, how their children should be taught in school.
Some, as reported in this newspaper on Friday, are so demanding that they have been at loggerheads with schools and teachers over how their kids should be treated.
According to a spokesperson, the MCYS' School Family Education (SFE) programme, which holds talks and parent-child bonding activities in schools, have drawn close to 2 million participants.
Ms Veronica Ng, who runs the Centre for Advancement of Family Education, said the number of parents who are "hungry for information on how to become better parents" have surged in the last two years. She now conducts four or five sessions of parenting education per week now, compared to just once in the past.
The different environment that kids grow up in today is one reason why more parents are signing up for classes. Raising children in the same way they were brought up - nagging, caning and "Papa's word is final" - would drive a wedge in their relationship, they told TODAY.
For instance, children now have access to the Internet from a young age, and can learn about things happening around the world and form their own habits or opinions.
Insurance agent Wong Chong Kai, 51, said: "During my time, there were no computers, so you listened to everything your parents said. But kids now have a far wider reach to the outside world, you have to learn how to make them listen. It's not through caning and threats, it's through an open channel of communication."
Mrs Clara Tan, 41, who has participated in the SFE activities at her children's school Fairfield Methodist, added: "You want to be teaching the same values - respect your elders, be morally upright - but how you make sure your message goes across is totally different."
Another reason, said parenting coach Kenny Toh, is that what is expected of children has evolved, too.
The founder of the Institute of Advanced Parentology gave the example of how previously, a child would be seen as "obedient" if he sat in the class quietly and did not make any trouble.
"Today, teachers will say, 'Your child is too quiet, perhaps you need to get him to speak up more and articulate his views'." And if parents bring up children in the traditional way and warn them against "talking back", the child could be "absolutely confused", he added.
Parents said learning from experts, as well as from the experience of other parents during support group sessions, has helped them to understand their children better. As a result, their relationships are stronger.
Said Mrs Iris Mak, 45: "I used to be very authoritative, but now I'm like a friend to my three children after I learnt from other parents how they dealt with situations I had faced. I don't really have to control them anymore."
"If you show your care for your children in a way they understand, they will know it," she added.
Mrs Samantha Chng has learnt not to become a "replica" of her mum. Said the 38-year-old: "I used to mould my children the way I wanted them to be and not how they might have wanted. Now, I give them more freedom to voice out their thoughts and what they want."
More mums and dads should consider taking up parenting lessons, believes Mr Martin Tan, who sits on the National Family Council.
First, because it helps the children grow up in a more joyful and peaceful environment because their parents know better how to communicate with them.
And second, parents may also feel better about themselves, he said.
Said Mr Tan: "When you hear that other parents are facing the same situation, at least you know that you are not the lousiest parent in the world. It's encouraging and makes you feel better about your family."
